Drowning
by honestlybroken
Summary: "Emotions made you weak, made you vulnerable. And that vulnerability was why he was now crashing through the front door of the house he shared with Leon with one thought in mind. He had to leave."


**A/N: This is my first time uploading my writing anywhere, and I haven't written anything other than research papers in years, so please bear with me.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts. I barely own the laptop used to type this.**

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He was drowning. He had to be. There could be no other reason for the pain in his chest, and he couldn't breathe. Blood pounding hard in his ears, Cloud frantically pushed his way through the crowd. He had to leave and he had to leave now. He kissed her. He _was_ kissing her. _His_ Leon was kissing _Her_.

Cloud was normally stoic, taciturn. Some even called him emotionless. But the truth was he felt so much more, so much deeper, than he ever wanted to let on. Emotions made you weak, made you vulnerable. And that vulnerability was why he was now crashing through the front door of the house he shared with Leon with one thought in mind. He had to leave.

He had been so stupid. Cloud was nothing more than a replacement for _Her_ and now that she was back, Leon would no longer need him. No longer want him.

Cloud ran his fingers through his spikey hair while trying to settle his ragged breaths. He just had to grab some clothes and then take off. This wouldn't be the first time he just up and left, he could do this. With a shaky breath, Cloud ascended the stairs towards the once shared bedroom.

He made his way to the closet where the worn duffel was kept. Once found, Cloud began to pull out articles of clothing from the closet and drawers stuffing them half-hazard into the bag. All he needed to find now were his gloves. _Fuck_. Where had he thrown them last night?

The sound of the front door slamming shut came from downstairs followed by the tell-tale thuds of Leon's boot-clad footsteps moving up the stairs and towards the bedroom. The door was ajar indicating the whereabouts of his wayward blond. With a small chuckle, Leon pushed the door further open and stepped into the room. The sight that greeted him confused Leon. Cloud's old duffel was clumsily packed on the bed and said blond was crouched on the floor digging for something under the bed. The brunette frowned. He was leaving. Again.

"Cloud?"

Instinctually, Cloud looked up into the stormy-grey eyes of Leon. His face was blank, impassive. The only indication of the pain coursing through the blond was the stray tear trailing down his cheek. Leon would bet Cloud wasn't even aware he was crying.

"What's wrong Cloud?"

The question broke Cloud of his reverie. What's wrong!? How could he stand there asking that? Leon knew full well what he did. With a scowl, Cloud went back to searching for his missing gloves.

Okay then. Leon decided to try a different route. "What are you doing?"

Without looking up, Cloud grunted a reply. "Looking for my gloves."

Leon sighed, running fingers through his messy brown hair. He was going to need a haircut soon. "No Cloud. The bag. What are you doing with a packed bag? Going somewhere?"

Cloud scoffed. "I saw you." Reaching just a bit further, Cloud was able to wrap fingers around the soft leather of one of the missing gloves.

"Saw me? What are you…?"

In a flash Cloud was on his feet, and the newly located glove was chucked hard at Leon's face.

"Kissing her! I saw you _kissing_ her Leonhart!" Cloud screamed before turning on his heel, moving towards the closet. Maybe the other glove was in there.

"Oh."

The air hung thick with tension, the silence only broken by Cloud's rummaging through the closet.

"Cloud I'm not going to lie to you, I do love her."

Cloud's movements ceased, glove forgotten. This was worse than drowning. His worst fear had been vocalized by Leon and everything hurt. It was a deep down soul-crushing, heart-breaking kind of hurt. The kind that made you feel both everything and nothing at the same time. The walls he had so carefully built up all came crashing down in an instant. His body now shaking with sobs he would not give Leon the satisfaction of hearing.

"I was in love with her before everything with the heartless. I thought we were going to spend the rest of our lives together. I wanted to marry her Cloud," Leon pleaded. "When the heartless took over and our world destroyed, I thought I lost her forever. I'm sorry Cloud, but I never stopped loving her. I just... I learnt to move on."

"And that's why I'm leaving. You can be with her again." Cloud finally turned around to face Leon, wrapping his arms around himself as some kind of makeshift shield, something to replace those shattered walls. Streams of hot tears now ran rampant down his cheeks.

Leon's heart broke as he watched the tears spill from those beautiful, blue eyes. Cloud rarely cried. He saved his tears for the quiet of night, when he woke thanks to nightmares from his past. Regular reminders of the tortures he went through with Shinra, Sephiroth, Hojo's experiments, and of course Hell. And even then, those tears seemed to hurt less than the ones staining Cloud's cheeks now. Leon wanted nothing more than to hold the blond and trace soothing circles along his back. He wanted to whisper sweet nothings and tell Cloud 'everything will be okay'. But the guarded stance and anguish filled expression told Leon that advance would be in no way appreciated.

"I'll leave, then you can be happy. With her."

"Cloud..." Leon took a step toward the blond.

"Don't" Leon stopped his forward movements and took a step back to give Cloud the room he wanted.

Sucking in a shaky breath, Cloud continued, "I never deserved you Leon. I've never been good enough, and never will be. I know that. Just please, let me leave."

"I can't" Leon managed to choke out, his throat restricting as his eyes started to pool with unshed tears. "I don't want to lose you Cloud. Don't make me lose you." The last sentence uttered barely above a whisper. How did things get so complicated?

Cloud dropped his head, averting his eyes as he sighed. Leon was not making this easy. "You'll be okay. You have her."

"No Cloud. I need you. I need both of you." Leon bit out. He was not a man of many words, and was finding it painfully difficult to articulate what it was he felt. "Just because I love her doesn't stop me from loving you! It doesn't even mean I love you both in the same way..."

"I can't stay and watch you with her…"

"I'm not asking you to." Leon interrupted. "She kissed me Cloud. I was shocked and happy to see her. So I kissed her back. But it didn't _feel_ right."

Cloud nibbled nervously on his lower lip. Eyes still focused down he asked, "What if I made you choose? Me or her?"

Leon's face softened, a small smile tugging at his lips. "I'd choose you."

"What…?" Cloud's head snapped up, his eyes open wide in surprise.

"In a hundred lifetimes, in a hundred worlds, in any version of reality, I'd find you. And I'd choose you."

The words had no sooner left Leon's mouth before Cloud was across the room and kissing him. Leon gripped the slim hips he loved so much pulling his younger lover close before one hand made its way up to tangle fingers in soft, blond hair. This was home. The other armed snaked around the blond's waist to keep him close. Cloud's fingers were twisted in the fabric on the front of Leon's t-shirt. He was gripping so tight his knuckles had gone white. Cloud had pulled the taller brunette as close as physically possible, then pulled him closer. He wanted to melt into Leon. Mould together until they were one, and Cloud was safe and secure.

Leon could taste the salty tears still running down Cloud's cheeks. This kiss wasn't one filled with passion, or even love. It was instead filled with desperation and heartache. Cloud was desperate to show Leon how much he needed him, how desperate he was to deserve him. Leon wanted Cloud to know he loved him and that he was sorry for everything. So very, very sorry.

Without putting any more space between the two bodies than necessary, Leon maneuvered them towards the bed. As he gently laid Cloud on the bed, he knocked the duffel to the ground. The contents of the bag spilled across the floor as it lay forgotten. Leon would happily spend the rest of his life showing Cloud how much he loved him. Needed him. Wanted him.

Once again Cloud found himself drowning. But this time, he was drowning in Leon, and everything about the scarred brunette. His scent. His taste. His touch. And Cloud decided that maybe drowning wasn't such a bad way to go after all.


End file.
